Don't
by Fresh C
Summary: A brief look into the thought process of a loaded gun.


**A/N: **this story was written several hours past midnight and was not revised. I hope the errors are minimal, but at this hour I really don't care. If it's bad, I'll fix it tommorow.

**Don't**

It's funny how a man you've never met before can become the second most important person in your world.

I was just shopping with Asuka in the mall and she was making me carry everything as usual. But I didn't mind because I was with Asuka and that made it worth it. Still, it was pretty long waiting as she tried on every piece of clothing that had a tag on… which is, of course, every piece of clothing. Every time she tried on a piece of clothing she would come out of the changing room and ask me how she looked. And every time she asked me, I told her that she looked good, fine, nice, ect. She honestly could be wearing anything and to me it wouldn't matter because… well I think she's beautiful. I could never tell her that, even after we started dating (if you could call it that), but I've always thought she was quite possibly the most breath-taking girl I've ever laid eyes on. By the way she always flaunts herself, I think she's quite aware of that fact, so I don't feel guilty for not telling her what I thought of her appearance.

But I'm getting side-tracked here. What's really important is what happened when we went to pay for all the clothes.

"Rejected," said the cashier. She was a thin girl with long green hair who looked like she was in High School. I'd say that green hair is weird, but after hanging around with Misato and Rei so much, I figure it's pretty common now-a-days. I wonder if it's some sort of Post-Second Impact radiation poisoning or something… maybe people are just dyeing more… but I digress.

"What do you mean rejected!" yelled Asuka in outrage. She was making a scene, but that's common for her. I'm not sure if it's her European heritage or her striking good looks, but just walking into a room causes a scene. Don't feel bad for her though, I think she likes the attention.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but your card has reached its limit," said the cashier showing visual signs of restraint. Her face was tighter than the pants Asuka was trying to purchase. Key word being _try_.

"Why don't you try it again?" asked Asuka in a voice that really said, 'try it again you screw-up upper-class snob who never worked a day in her life, until Daddy cut off your allowance.' I know that this is what she really meant because she told me so later.

"I've tried it three times already, ma'am. The card is no good."

Asuka huffed, and she puffed, but somehow the store still managed to stand. However, everyone in earshot range seemed to loose partial hearing.

"I can't believe this! It's a NERV card for Christ's sake! A NERV card! There practically is no limit on those things! And you're trying to tell me that my card is rejected?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, I don't know what to tell you," said the cashier now clearly annoyed with the situation. But she was lying. She did know what to tell her because she said it next.

"Maybe you should limit your spending in the future."

Asuka's mouth opened and then it closed. A warning light went on in my head. Asuka almost never falters and when she does it's not usually a good thing. This could get ugly… real ugly. She turned to me and looked at me with a look of almost comical confusion.

"Shinji," she said very quietly. "Did you hear what she just said to me?"

"Uhhh…" was all I said.

"Because I think… and I could be wrong about this… but I think this girl just tried to insult me."

"Umm…" I said strategically stalling for time. "We could use my card to pay?"

Without waiting for her answer, I set the clothes on the counter and looked into my wallet only to find that there was no NERV card held within it. Asuka took notice of this, and in no time her roaring river of anger was redirected from the cashier towards me.

Dam.

"Shinji, you idiot, why didn't you bring your card?"

"Well, I didn't expect to buy anything," I say quickly. I was taken off guard by her sudden anger. I really should have expected that.

"So you weren't even going to pretend like you wanted to buy me something? Have we been dating so long that you'll just take me for granted. I'm not special to you anymore?"

Of course what I said was the wrong thing. When she's like this everything I say is the wrong thing. It would be enough to drive a man crazy living with that all the time, but luckily she's not always like this. Sometimes she can be very… affectionate. That's all I have to say about that.

"No it's not like that at all," I protest but to no avail.

"I think it is," she says pointedly and I inwardly sigh. I would outwardly sigh, but that would only fuel her furry. "You didn't even bring any cash with you. You just expected me to pay for everything!"

"No really, that's not it Asuka," I beg. By this point people are looking at us. There's another lady behind us in line and I'm sure she just wants to finish up her shopping so she can take her three kids home. It was already 8:45 pm according to the clock on the wall and I'm sure that she'd want to put them in bed soon enough.

And just like that I remembered what happened to my NERV card.

"I left it in the car," I say to Asuka as if this makes everything better. In fact it does. Because what you need to understand about Asuka is that she wasn't angry at me or even at the cashier… well maybe the cashier a little bit. But what she was really angry about was that she wasn't able to get what she wanted: the clothes. Surprisingly Asuka is the type of person who wants very little out of life, but she becomes frustrated when she doesn't get it. More often than not, she doesn't get the little that she truly wants and that is why I believe she is an irritable person. It is for this very reason that she holds on desperately to what she has and I believe that's why she threw her pride to the wind and asked me to be her boyfriend.

So anyways, she's still pretty ticked off that I left the card in the car, but once again her anger is refocused. She is already looking past the obstacle posed by a trip to the car and looking towards future obstacles that are unforeseen to me.

"The store is going to close in fifteen minutes!" Asuka looks at the cashier and says with malice, "Don't let anyone touch these clothes." With no further words I find myself being pulled toward the double doors that lead to the parking lot at speeds that seem much too fast for a cold day in December. I didn't have time to zip up my coat so the freezing breeze is hitting my chest with an intensity that I'm uncomfortable with. For a second I thought about how it must be hitting Asuka's chest as well, but I stopped after realizing where my mind was taking me. It was much to cold to think about such things, and there was way too much running going on at the time.

It's not long before I begin to regret parking in the back of the parking lot where there's virtually no lighting. I figure it's not my fault though as it was 6 o'clock and light outside when we first arrived at the mall. But now the only light to be seen was that of the neon signs from the stores and their reflection upon the snow.

Asuka paid no heed to any of this. She spent the whole trip rambling angrily.

"Stupid card, with the stupid low limits… and that cashier… screw-up upper-class snob… I bet she never worked a day in her life until Daddy cut her allowance off… tell me to limit my spending… _I work for my living_… _I save the world_… and what do I get? Stupid Shinji who can't even bring his card… and stupid malls that close at nine…"

And so on and so forth. It's times like these that I wonder if she's even knows I'm there. She gets so wrapped up in what she doesn't have that she forgets to look around her and see what's already there. She's so narrow minded, but I like to think I broaden her vision… at times. This wasn't one of them.

As for vision, Asuka's was as sharp as a hawk. She spotted our black NERV rental car from half-way across the lot. If I had been by myself, I'm not sure I would have ever found it. I think that's the only reason she came outside with me to the car. Otherwise she probably would have just sent me out into the darkness alone, to retrieve the card. I'm glad she didn't because at least now I can pretend like she cared about my well being.

Okay, that's kind of dark. I know she cares. She just has a hard time showing it. That's why it's so beautiful when she does. And that's all I have to say on that subject.

So when we got to the car I unlocked the passenger door and started rummaging for my card. I thought I left it on the seat. I had been using it to clean under my nails while Asuka drove. No I don't think having my girlfriend drive makes me less of a man, and no I don't think cleaning under my nails is a feminine thing to do. Yes, I suppose it is odd to use my NERV card to do it, but it's hard to find the proper tools to do that particular job. While I don't think it's gay to clean my nails, I do think it's a bit more homosexual for me to carry a nail cleaning kit with me.

So I'm rummaging about, looking for the elusive card when I hear Asuka say my name. I figure she's upset that it's taking me so long. We were on a deadline after all.

"I know it's somewhere around here," I say trying to defuse her anger.

"Shinji," she says slightly louder.

I respond by saying, "I'll find it. I know it's here."

"Shinji," she says again, only this time she sounds breathless. That catches my attention quickly. I back out of the car and turn around only to be met by the second most important person in my life.

Like I said before, prior to that moment I had never met this man, but in the moments that followed he became more important to me than almost anyone else I knew. So I bet you're wondering who this guy is and how he could become so important to me in such a little amount of time.

I don't have the answer to the first question. I still don't know the man's name. But the second question was simple to answer: he had a gun.

Not only that. He had a gun and he was pointing it at the very most important person in my life. He was pointing it at Asuka.

The man was wearing dark clothing with a black knit hat on his head. Both of his leather clad hands where clinging desperately to the gun and for just a moment I realized how tight his finger was on the trigger. The trigger was pulled tighter than the pair of pants that Asuka still had not managed to buy. In that moment I desperately hoped that she would still get the chance.

"Give me all your money!" said the man in a gruff, demanding voice.

Asuka quickly emptied out her pockets and handed the man her purse. Asuka asked for very little in life and the most important of those things was for her to be able to live. She wouldn't jeopardize that for money. I on the other hand… I froze like a Popsicle. Soon the barrel of the gun was pointing at me.

"Pay up, or I'll shoot!"

The gun did not fire, but my thought process was shot. I looked into the man's eyes and I saw fear. He was nervous and strung out. And I wondered why he would be doing this. I figured if you're going to rob someone the least you could do was be calm about it. But this man was scared stiff… and so was I. So as I stood there staring into his eyes, the only thing I could think of was a solution to our mutual problem. But only one word came to mind.

"Don't…" I said to the man holding me at gunpoint. It was the only thing that made sense to me. He was afraid and I was afraid, so it only made sense that he would just stop this whole thing.

"Give him what he wants!" yelled Asuka startling the man greatly.

"Keep your voice down, or I'll blow his brains out!" he yelled at Asuka.

I looked over at her and tried to explain the situation.

"Don't…" I pleaded. I didn't want her to get involved in this. She had already handled her own individual robbing, now it was my turn. The man drew his attention back towards me.

"I'm loosing patience kid! Give me your money now!"

"Don't…" I say. But what I really mean is 'don't do this. Don't throw away your future for some small amount of cash.'

"Please Shinji, just give him what he wants!" Asuka whispers franticly.

"Don't get involved," I tell her, but only word "don't" ever leaves my lips.

The man's attention is diverted back to Asuka, but this time the barrel of his gun follows.

"Give me your money or I'll shoot her!"

"Don't!" I yell in desperation. This time I said exactly what I meant to.

But I don't think my message got through.

"That's it," he says and I can see the finger that was already so tight on the trigger begin to tighten. I want to explain to this man that I'll do whatever he wants, but no words leave my mouth. I want to reach for my wallet now, but I can't. I'm still frozen solid.

Luckily for me, Asuka reaches into my back pocket to grab my wallet for me. But for some reason the man before us didn't seem pleased with the results. His already wide eyes seem to widen further and I wonder just what's going on in his head.

"What are you doing?" he asks wildly with his gun trained steadily at Asuka's chest. I don't think either of us felt the breeze coming through our unzipped coats anymore.

Asuka responded quickly saying, "I'm getting you what you want." Her voice is cracking and she seems close to tears. In her desire to finish this as soon as possible, she made one critical error. The speed at which she pulled my wallet out was pretty fast. In fact it was too fast.

What happened next was even faster. The man's eyes widen much farther than I thought humanly possible and in a flash of intuition I realize what's going to happen next. I didn't know why it was going to happen, I just knew that if I didn't do something the man would shoot Asuka. So I did the only thing I could do. The same thing I'd been doing the whole time.

I yelled, "Don't!"

But I soon realized he wasn't listening.

I don't remember jumping, or diving in front of Asuka, or whatever she said I did. All I remember was thinking "Don't" again.

_Don't kill her. Don't kill the most beautiful girl I know. Don't murder one of the few people that I almost understand. Don't take away the only good thing I have in my life._

And then the next thing I know I'm lying on the ground. And there is pain deep inside of me. I hear heavy footsteps fading into the distance and I can hear Asuka crying. I can feel her holding me, but for some reason she feels so cold. But then I realize that it's not her that's cold, it's me. And I think one last thought before I lose consciousness.

_Don't… don't let me die like this_

----------

It felt good to have my eyes closed. I don't know how long it took me to realize that I wasn't dreaming anymore and that I was just seeing black. When that realization hit, I still kept my eyelids down because I knew what awaited me when I opened them would not be what I wanted. I wasn't sure how I knew this, I was just sure that it was true.

The thing that finally motivated me to move was an itch around my wrist. At first it seemed tiny and manageable, but soon it just got out of hand. Before I knew it my eyes fluttered open and I was ready to scratch away. Only I stopped because my arm seemed to be much more heavy than I ever remembered it being.

It took me a few moments to realize that I was in a hospital and the thing that was causing my arm to itch was an IV. You'd think someone who had visited the hospital as much as I had would recognize one when they saw one. I could hardly call it an unfamiliar ceiling anymore.

But none of that mattered really. What mattered was that in the seconds to follow my realization of my location, came the realization of my situation. I remembered all that had transpired and naturally I panicked.

To my credit (this has saved me much grief in arguments since then) the first and only word to come out of my mouth was Asuka's name. I said it loud enough to arouse her attention as she sat in the chair next to my bed doing a Sodoku puzzle. And the next thing I knew she was surrounding me. Her arms were all over me, embracing me everywhere but around my stomach where the bullet had entered my body.

"Don't… don't leave me," she said. I didn't even have the strength to tell her that I wasn't going anywhere.

She held onto me tightly, crying once again. This time I cried with her… it only seemed right. I was a little confused at why she had virtually attacked me, but after thinking about it for a little while the reason became clear. Asuka asks for very little out of life and she receives even less. That is why she holds on so tightly to the things that she has. She couldn't have her jeans, but she still had me.

Even now I can't think of anything that could have convinced her to let me go.


End file.
